Relationships

Rachel invited me a while ago to write something on this blog.  Its been a while.  I even had the thought today, my fourth graders are now 8th graders (!!!!), and my 6th graders are in high school now.  Ugh.  Take my words or leave them.  No sweat off my back :)

I thought about my two years that I taught elementary school, and sad as it is, I was better my first year.  I think I was better prepared to teach lessons my second year, but I think that as a whole I had a better first year.

Why?  I bet you are asking that exact question.  Or maybe you don't care.  Well if you don't care, too bad.  I'm going to tell you anyway.

The thing that made a world of difference for me my first year was the relationships I established with my students.  I think I learned that 6th grade is not exactly the age group I would prefer (those pre-pubescent teens I had that year were quite... stubborn I might add, which is not a good combo with a stubborn teacher).  But my little fourth graders and I got along much better.

I'd venture to say that first, and foremost, you are always the teacher first.  I've seen some teachers try to be best buddies with their students and a lot of times it backfires.  The kids like you, but in a sense don't respect you as much.  If you establish that professional relationship with them, that being that you are the teacher first and friend second, they like you and they respect you.  This is not to say that you let them get away with things that they shouldn't be doing.  You can still discipline your students in a way that is still respectful to them and maintains their dignity.  You'll find that you are less likely to be having a power struggle when you do things that way.

If I had a kid who displayed unruly behavior, I would give them a warning.  If the unruly behavior continued, I'd pull them aside, usually at a later time, to talk about what's going on.  Many times, I was able to help the kid deal with whatever it was they were dealing with.  More often than not, my fourth graders would come up with their own punishments, and it usually ended up being worse than what I would have given.

I remember being a difficult student when I was in college, the same semester my mom was dying.  I tended to care less about what was going on in class, and it showed.  This experience helped me to understand that kids, although much smaller than adults, are people too.  They have issues, just like we do.  The main difference is kids especially do not know how to cope with life's difficulties.  The death of a parent, the divorce of parents, the neglect at home, and so forth are not events that are respecters of age.  When my kids would act out, I was able to talk to them because of the relationships I established with them.  Imagine how much harder it would have been, if I didn't care about my kids or my kids didn't care about what I thought or if they did not respect me.  Also, as a result of the relationships I had with them, classroom management was a breeze.

That, and work (for both you & the student) is always so much more fun when you like each other!